here goes nothing

idk

this is such a bad negative

im sooooooooooooooooooooooo negative

these dreams are gonna put me in therapy or put me in jail
real talk everyday it the same dream but 5 times worse

last night killed my sleep ive been awake since 3am
well actually thats a lie i slept from 5 to 6:15 but that dream
super killed my sleep. I wish this girl would leave me alone
leave my son alone going as far as death in my death

im really going insane.
im going insane i cant shake this dream and its really
gonna put me somewhere i dont wanna be
shit im already there
im over it im fucking over it i want you to gooooooo awayyyyyyyyyyy

being trapped in a home with people who “care” for you
vs
being trapped in a home with people who feel obligated to do so is
two completely different things.
i hate being so fucking powerless

I Came, I Saw, You Conquered.

I believe I have moved on from the series of events
That have been Thrown up all over my life Since I met You.

I do know.
I came to you with trust, Hoping for when I opened up
You would use Who I really am Not Against Me
But for Me. To help have understanding’s of Why Iam
why I do everything everything everything Ive explained
Why Ive became so sour Holy shit How many time’s?

I saw someone Who I thought could pull me threw
thing’s Ive been holding on to since I were a Child.
Since I had my first heart break, Since I had my first
betrayal. What I didnt see though, was You never came
to me. And for when You did it was to establish your
reasons of What you kept me blind with for so long.


You came into my life, You saw who I was.
You..You have Conquered Everything Ive never
wanted anyone to accomplish with me.


I feel I can move on from Your honesty
That should Have been given from the start.
For all the things youve said..

Well.

Youve Conquered low self esteem 
Youve Conquered second guessing myself
Youve Conquered loosing a huge part of faith Ive
have had for a father figure Ive seen My whole life.
Youve Conquered Doubt
Youve Conquered preparation, A comfortable life.
Youve Conquered putting me in a hole
emotionally, fiscally, and financially.

Youve fucked Me. Royally.
One Day! I hope soon.
I will thank you for reminding me
Why Iam strong for Myself.

and now, for my son.

Iam on the road to becoming who I was before
You came and messed up my life.
Honestly, I hope You read this, and relise for once
You actually did.

I think

I have endless thoughts.

Its becoming a problem that I do not see stopping anytime soon.
I could think of amillion and five things right now to start atleast
a bullshit conversation that’d make you think.


I want to explore my mind and find
The reason why I started thinking like this
Like it would do anything Lol

I can say though, For Someone who barely has anything to do. ” “

Like I could totally write a book.
Now whether I could get people to read…I dunno.
I probably would though.

success!

sebs has accomplished….!!! breaking his first toy xD

3 lights that (were his favorite) that he has been trying to eat

as they flash in different patterns since the first day we got this jumper.

today i found him hugging this area fast asleep repeating the

same song over an over again since his face was FINALLY close enough

to eat the light xD I got him up to put him in his crib… he has circle and

triangles marks all over his face!  but! congrats to my son for breakin his first toy

from drooling all over it. atleast he trys! 

reblog if you like boobs

Like em alottt

(Source: , via fofellie)

here goes nothing: My Girl →

fofellie:

theamazingi:

these cold breezy mornings remind me of my baby ellie.
god I miss you babygirl :/

just us.
no bullshit no drama
i miss ellie kat fun time
i miss waking up next to you
taking shits with you
i miss going on useless waste of adventures to nowhere doing
absolutely nothing but laughing our lifes away

aweh kat! imy too baby girl. im going to be in town this week til next week…

we’ll have to eventually meet up and chill. if i end up finding a ride ill stay there alll day!!!

aww come to me!
we’ll toke all day like old times :3

My Girl

these cold breezy mornings remind me of my baby ellie.
god I miss you babygirl :/

just us.
no bullshit no drama
i miss ellie kat fun time
i miss waking up next to you
taking shits with you
i miss going on useless waste of adventures to nowhere doing
absolutely nothing but laughing our lifes away

i miss our rants
i miss you so much i feel gay lmaoo

if i could be in love, without all the ties
i would pick to love you forever and ever and everr!
real talk im feeling gay as hell but ya kno
i said this the first time, second time i moved to jersey.
ive never missed a friend ever. exps the way i missed you.

these mornings remind me of the start of a badass friendship.
with a badass chick that stuck with me threw all my bullshit.

not ever have i been so close to a female that i wasnt fucking.